she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
