wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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