I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
