I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Shame - the story of my life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
