watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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