When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
