We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's shark week go big or go home
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
