I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
barbara walters just said penis...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
