I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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