I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
