my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just used a chaser for red wine.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
