Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
