is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
