I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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