Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
