She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
