Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
