Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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