fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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