I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize