Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
