Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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