i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
