is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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