My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
