taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
