That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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