dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
