I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
