It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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