He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
