You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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