I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
