I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
