apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
