He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
