Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
