Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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