two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
