he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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