I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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