Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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