I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
