so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
