Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
