when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
