Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize