she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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