so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
