That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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