I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
