Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
