So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
