I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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