He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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