do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
