shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
