Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
