So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize