i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
