don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
